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Carlos Castaneda, “A separate reality”

“Feeling important makes one heavy, clumsy, and vain. To be a man of knowledge one needs to be light and fluid.”

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The facade

You wake up one day and your wife isn’t there.
Survival/Egoism: No! Don’t kneel!
You get up, go to the mirror and paint your face white.

The next day you wake up, you look at your white face and go to work.ImageYou didn’t get the promotion. Smith did. Yeah, you did your job great,  yeah, you know that this isn’t fair. Maybe Smith’s feeling of survival is much stronger than yours. Besides, he used to say “the end justifies the means”. That is his favorite quote.
Survival/Egoism: No! Don’t kneel now!
You paint your eyes black and draw a big red smile that almost touches your ears.

You get back home and watch the news. Wars, ruins, dust, violence, fear. The system. You watch these but you don’t move. You feel tired. Scared.
Survival/Egoism: No! It’s fine!
You go to the mirror and wear an orange wig with curly hair, a tiny hat over your head and a big red plastic ball for nose.

The next day you learn the news about your elder neighbor.  Mr. John who used to live at the house next to yours has been dead the last 3 days but they found him this morning. Natural causes, they said. He didn’t have any family. He must felt happy when he was dying. For a lot of years he had nothing here to keep him alive anymore. Suddenly you feel nausea, dizzy and a strong headache.
Survival/Egoism: No, not now! You don’t know it! Maybe not…
You go to the mirror, you wear a polka dot bow tie, baggy clothes and large shoes.

 Take a good look at yourself. Are you surviving or are you living?

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Loop

…Besides, there is always the game of multiple reality. Funny ha? Game maybe…You know, whatever you do you create a path, a reality, and the things that you do aren’t many, they are countless.  And somewhere over there you get lost, that’s why you get lost anyways. The paths are so many and they don’t have the same destination.

The point is that it’s pointless to sit down and rub your head, trying to combine elements and solve a mathematical problem to find the right path. No. Else you are doing it wrong. Think about it for a while… Why someone has to start from the unknown to find something that already knows. Crazy ha? Truth though. You are doing it wrong. Well, this doesn’t mean that wrong will give you the wrong results because this is not math. Because, destination it’s not a variable.

It’s really funny when you don’t know the already known. What is happening? You can’t remember? You have buried it somewhere in the back of your head? Sometimes, you leave the trash in your head and the smell can’t stand you. You are doing it wrong. How can you bury something in the bottom of the sea? Well, you can say you have to dive in, reach the bottom, dig and bury it. It seems hard work but you do it because there, no one will see it. Because the secret always stimulates the human mind. It feeds it, it gives it a purpose, a reason. And you like it. You prefer it. And the others prefer it too. And you don’t burry much. You bury countless.

There are sometimes when you lose the bewitchment of secrecy and you feel filthy, lost and sad. Because the smell can’t stand you. Sometimes, it’s too hard to find the right way. You need to find the right destination which will have only lights, and it will illume only for you and it will illume the right path. You know the destination because you know where you have hidden it. But if you dig it up then the rest of the paths will hide in the darkness. And I’m afraid of the darkness. So…maybe I‘ll get comfortable here at the incandescence lights, waiting and hoping that the sun will come out and will come find me.